The bartender asks "why...". The next day, the duck returns and again says, "I want to buy some peanuts." The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He bellies up to the bar, stares down the bartender, and proclaims, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw. A horse walks into a bar. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. ”Phew!” the cowboy sighs. A better poker player could not exist This would have struck him as odd, save for the fact that he … He calls 911. The barman says "What the fuck? She finds herself barely able to hang on. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!” The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.” Horses and Bars Just Go Together Why don’t you try the circus?” to me. He says "I know! “I can’t believe the ferret sold the place.” A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here." our entire collection of funny animal jokes, 14 hilarious pun cartoons that never get old, hilarious jokes from your favorite comedians, unfunny anti-jokes that you’ll still laugh at anyway, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. "Yes," replies the little girl. Finally, when his nerves have cooled and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud of you!” Check out these 15 witty bar jokes anyone can remember. A horse walks into a bar and asks for a Coke. The bartender replies, a bit gruffly this time, "I already told you I don't sell peanuts." Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. Why couldn’t the horse dance? ", E-flat walks into a bar. In front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: "Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. The bartender asks "What'll it be?" To which the horse replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised.". Read more hilarious jokes from your favorite comedians. Horse Walks into a Bar Joke. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" Did Santa bring that to you?" Go away! Horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper. Why don’t you try the circus?”, The horse nickers. The guy wipes his mouth and replies, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." "HOW on EARTH did you get that horse to laugh and cry? The man rubs the bottle, and to his amazement, a puff of purple smoke spews out and slowly collects in the form of a genie. Q: How do you make a small fortune on horse racing? The man thinks and says, "I wish I had a million bucks." He saddled up and started to ride out of town. "That horse comes in here The kid says, "Yeah." He must be part Vulcan or something. The Bartender sees such a vivid depth of despair and ennui in the Horse’s eyes like the Horse has stared into the abyss and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep that the Horse could no longer believe that he himself nor anyone nor anything else existed. 1. A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. He asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”, The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! Several people get up and leave, sensing the danger in having a live animal in a bar. "You know," says the barkeep, "we don't get many horses around here." Laugh your socks off at funny jokes, funny quotes, funny memes and funny YouTube videos. PISS OF! So the guy takes the money and leaves. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don't serve minors.”, Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Martinus." The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood." The first responds, "Watch me." by the reins and led him into the men's bathroom. The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. A Thirsty Horse. Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. "He's my seeing eye dog," the woman replies. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. But then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering, “You seem like a really cool guy!” The bartender says, “Hey.” The horse says, “Buddy—you read my mind!” Don’t miss these unfunny anti-jokes that you’ll still laugh at anyway. Oh goddamnit! Can’t get enough horse jokes? my dick was longer than his, and then I proved it. He says to the bartender "If you ask 'why the long face? Before the bartender even returns with the check, the man has slammed back half of them and shows no signs of slowing down. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. 10 Terribly Funny Horse Jokes Just for Dads Share. horse came out again, and the horse was laughing uproariously. Shaking his head and rubbing his disbelieving eyes, the bartender Where did he come from?" The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either. The horse doesn’t reply because it’s a horse and obviously can’t speak or understand English. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!” ". He says, “Hey barkeep! A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what he’d like. In front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: ', I'm going to kick you in the nuts!". The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home. ", "I know," replied the bartender, wiping a glass. The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a Martini?" A time traveler walks into a bar. “Oh, those are the peanuts,” the bartender replies. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, his spurs clinking as he walks, his six-shooter slapping at his furry hip. Alright, sorry, calm down. “The one that you won?” asks the other horse. The horse’s handler comes in and leads it out, but not before it’s knocked over a couple of glasses and soiled itself. When does a horse talk? The room goes dead silent. The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. Check out these 14 hilarious pun cartoons that never get old. A. You may think you’ve heard every joke that begins, “So X walks into a bar,” but we’re pretty confident you’ve missed a few. The best horse jokes always include a pun. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse. I've got a whiskey named after you!" We don’t horse around when it comes to horse jokes. He never did any of that!”. the bar and sees a horse standing next to him. They’re injecting you with a drug to make you faster!”, The first horse turns to the other and says, “Hey, a talking dog!”. OH GOD NO THE TABLES EVERYBODY GET OUT OH JESUS FUCK", The horse looks to the floor with a sad expression and answers: "My alcoholism is tearing my family apart.". A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.